My Cervix Is Perfect!

Just to be clear, this title is actually something my doctor said to me at my last appointment. This post is about my boobs though, and not my cervix, which I won't be discussing. Also, two different doctors involved here. Well three really, if you count that random doctor who stood oddly (and I mean oddly) by at my last check up. And I do. Because he saw my boobs. And offered no medical expertise.

Good news! I don't have breast cancer.

I know I covered that before but it's still really exciting news. I also do not have to surgery. At this point in time. Boob doctor, not to be confused with a plastic surgeon, decided since the inflamed lymph node hasn't changed at all one way or the other that it would be overkill to remove it at this point. Which is infuriating because I spent all that time freaking out about it because he specifically told me that if nothing changed he wanted to take it out.

Now it just gets to hang out in there being all occasionally sensitive. I'm still on an anti-inflammatory regime though for the next 4-5 months, at which point I will go back in to see him. And I'm sure there will be a new and exciting "doctor" standing by the table in scrubs, being absolutely unhelpful, while my bare breast gets that disgusting gel smeared on it and then gets prodded and poked at by that ultrasound gun thing and I don't really know if this so called 'specialist' actually knows how to use that machine.

This reminds me: I don't like when an additional doctor is brought in to check out my ailments that can't be discussed and properly viewed while I'm fully clothed. It's not like a super common occurrence for me, but I can think of at least three times when a medical professional (supposedly) has seen parts of me that literally only five other people have. (I'm including my parents in this count because I was a baby once, and as such I had people bathe me. I was also above dressing myself. And I still kind of am.)

Well, to be fair, I don't know what went on when I was born. There could have been any number of people in that room.

I know that I can probably be like, 'whoa hey who is this guy and why does he get to see my lady garden? I am 17, and this is not acceptable.' Or, 'nuh-uh Doc, I know where this is going and he does not get to see my boobs unless he puts cash up front.' But I always feel meek and stupid when I'm around a doctor. They use those idiotic medical terms, instead of speaking plainly, and I don't want to ask what a word means because the tone they use makes me feel like I should know already. Of course I should know already. What kind of idiot do I have to be to not know that ductal carcinoma in-situ is a type of breast cancer in the ductal system?

I'm going to be totally honest, the extent of my knowledge regarding cancer in general (despite all the relatives who have died from various forms of it) is that when I first heard 'carcinoma', my sincere initial response was to somehow connect it with carbon monoxide poisoning. ...Just say the word. It kinda sounds similar. The 'car' part mostly. Only.

Anyway: I'm trying to say that I don't like feeling pressured to be okay with having some new guy come in and take a look at my unmentionables. I dislike it even more, when he has nothing to add.

Literally nothing.

And just stands there.

Watching.

Because it's really fucking creepy.