It's De-Lightful

So after all that bitching I did about how the yard would look all redneck-y and such, my brother and his wife came over to my parents the night before the wedding to hang out for a bit and Scotty saw the backyard and I guess felt that it wasn't good enough for his little sister to get married in as it was. So early Saturday morning, (I like to imagine they were sitting in the parking lot waiting for the manager to open the doors, like those crazy Black Friday shoppers... which they are) they went out to Hobby Lobby and rented some stuff to pretty up the place and they even borrowed chairs from his in-laws. Oh, and they bought us two big flower bouquets and vases that are sitting on top of my piano now. I'm sad that I didn't get to see until after the ceremony though cause I only had a short time to really appreciate it. I wasn't allowed out of the house until the walk "down the aisle." (There wasn't really an aisle.) Everyone else saw it though so that's good. But what I did see was beautiful. My sappy big brother...

I ended up going with my back-up dress. The intended dress was ready in time, but when I put it on it just didn't feel right. I pictured something so much different in my head and I really thought I had conveyed that properly but I guess not and now I just have a kinda fancy dress for if we ever go anywhere where I need a fancy dress. My brother's wife summed up perfectly how I felt when I was wearing the original dress when she said she almost wanted to cry seeing my face when I looked in the mirror. I was just disappointed. But the back-up, while probably not beautiful, made me feel how I imagine a bride is supposed to feel when she puts on her dream dress. It didn't look anything like what I imagined my wedding dress would look like, but then again I didn't start imaging a dress until we started planning a wedding. Which I think is backwards.

I only wish that we had chosen some music to be played while people were waiting, or at least while dad and I walked from the back door to the very back of the yard. Everything I had wanted though made me cry when I pictured it and I knew I would already be crying enough once I was up there with him, I didn't want to exacerbate that. So instead there was an awkward silence, well it was awkward for everyone else, dad and I just made jokes about how awkward it was and how I was going to cry like a little girl... so I wouldn't start crying. Jeremy's mum made a comment about the lack of music while I was making my way up, and then he told me about it later and for some reason I got all fired up about it. I know there should have been something but maybe you can wait until after the wedding to make your snide remarks. I'm the only one allowed to be snarky about my wedding during my wedding. Occasionally Jeremy can be, but only occasionally.

I wrote our vows that morning. Literally, that morning. Courtney and I were texting until about one in the morning trying to work some things out. We had a general idea but all of the vows seemed cliche, hollow, or contrite. So I ended up paraphrasing F. Scott Fitzgerald and Shakespeare, and taking a bit here and there from some of the vows she found online. We didn't read our own, or recite after her. Instead she introduced them as being written by us and then she read them. I liked it better that way, cause it felt more unified. Also, neither of us would have gotten through them. We're big babies.

I asked my dad to read a poem by Yeats, which he (my dad) made it through just fine, but I did not. I was fine as long as I kept looking at our hands. The moment I looked at Jeremy though I thought, 'thank god Courtney's reading the vows.' We also did a sand-ceremony-thing. Which is where we each have a container of colored sand and we pour the two colors together into one container. We went with light and dark blue cause it our favorite color and the jars are now sitting on top of the piano, between the two vases of lovely blue flowers from Scotty and Ashley.

I should've known it would be a perfect day, (except for my being sick and coughing until I vomited in the Olive Garden restroom and everyone thinking I was pregnant) despite everything that wasn't working out how I wanted it to. Our family does well in the clutch.

I'll tell you what I'm not excited about that though: mum invited Drunkle (our consistently drunk uncle) to the reception while I was on honeymoon. Yeah. That's happening.

I'm Drinking Peppermint Iced Tea

(That has nothing to do with this post, it's just delightful tea and homemade. By me. In my home.)

So it's been getting closer and closer to the wedding and I'm going to be honest: when I asked Jeremy yesterday morning if we were getting married in a little over two weeks and he said yes, I swore. Which was not the reaction he anticipated but as a planner (ie, a person who plans) this realization sneaked up on me, and it was not the reaction I would've expected from myself either.

The trouble, I think, with a small wedding is that because there is so little to prepare for that you think you have all this time and you really don't. There are no invites for the ceremony itself because it's a handful of people and I'm wasting a stamp on them (I said it). The reception invites don't go out out until the 11th (a Monday) because they say when we were married and I don't want them going out early and confusing people. However, I still haven't finished the invites (although the one's I have finished look lovely and I'm quite proud of them).

My dress isn't finished yet either. This is very irritating to me. (More irritating because I'm going to have to hear from my brother how he told me I shouldn't have had my aunt make the dress, and I'm going to punch him in the face when he says it. Be forewarned Scooter.) Over a year ago she offered to make the dress for me, I didn't ask her. Between my mom and her they decided it would be really nice and inexpensive for her to make my dress and I agreed, cause I figured she would have a year to work on it and it wouldn't be a problem and I could set it aside happily waiting for the day when I could wear it. And then until March, nothing happened. And then until last month, even after we had the material and everything, she still hadn't taken measurements. (To be fair, I did want to lose some weight but I was pretty close to my goal back in May and she hadn't made any progress.)

So I'm both annoyed and eagerly waiting for my stupid dress to be finished. Back to the planner thing though, I have a back-up dress. On the (hopefully) slim chance that my dress isn't done, I've acquired a cheap thrift store dress (shut up Ashley) that is surprisingly lovely and it's even white. Although that doesn't really make a difference. When I bought it, about two years ago, I didn't realize that the jackass who owned it prior apparently couldn't think of a sensible way to get out of it and so they cut the neckline. (It's a halter, you can see how this is a problem.) I saw it, it looked cute, and I bought it without trying it on. Then I got home and saw the clever hidden safety pins holding the stupid thing together and never got around to fixing it. So yesterday I took it to an alterations place where they informed me there were two options of fixing it:

1. we charge a chump-change amount and it looks like crap, or worse, something you could've done yourself
2. we charge a reasonable amount, that is still much more than you paid for it originally, and it looks like we actually tried to be professional and not snotty about it

I went with option 2.

I'm also struggling to find gifts for people. Etiquette tells me that I should give a gift to my officiate, my photographer, my maid of honor, and my dress maker. Well personal etiquette at least, they're not charging me anything and it's an important day for me and that they've cleared their schedule for that means a lot to me. They're also friends of mine and I should give them something for their help. My maid of honor is taken care of, and I'm pretty sure I have a respectable gift for my aunt, but I have no idea what to get the other two. I thought about a uniform gift for everyone but then it seemed impersonal. So I thought about individual gifts for each but then that seemed to exhibit favoritism. So I settled on a small individual gift as well as a small uniform gift. Except my maid of honor is my brother (yes, back to him which Becca agrees is the kinder and more suitable choice. plus she'll still be there cause I decided I don't care who wants to bitch about non-family being there. it's my wedding.) so if I go with something uniform it has to be unisex in some way. And then I feel bad for not getting anyone else a gift, like his parents, my parents, or his friend who is our back-up photographer, and especially my brother and his wife. Of all the people I want to be saying thank you to they definitely come near the top. AND, the backyard is going to look like a redneck's haven. Yay.

I Bought To Much Fabric

I am now halfway to my goal weight. And I might actually get there before the wedding. But I feel happy where I am, which is much different from how I felt when I wasn't, so if I don't get there by July it's not a big deal. I'll still keep working out and eating right because it makes me feel better physically, and when I feel good physically I feel good mentally, and vice versa. Jeremy is also halfway to his goal, but he has a longer way to go than me once we get back from the honeymoon, cause he claims that he started out fifty pounds overweight, which I don't buy but then he showed me the jeans he had when we met that fit perfectly and they do look very small. Compared to him at least. He's a big dude to begin with though, and he's probably not going to get back down to that completely because of the muscle mass from karate and P90. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

I bought material for my wedding dress last week, twice. The first time, I thought I had found the perfect color and I bought four yards of it, (cause that's how much we need) and then I thought about it over the next three days. And I decided I didn't want that color. So I went out yesterday and found another color in the same area, but darker. And then I found the perfect accent color to go with the darker color. And I bought four yards of the dark. If I change my mind again, I'm just getting married in shorts and a T-shirt. (I should note that I bought both colors on sale so it wasn't a big loss or anything.)

I do think I made the right call in getting the new color though. It's very subdued and mellow and understated, which I feel is more appropriate for me and my personality, and for how I hope the wedding in general will be. But I do still love the first color I bought and I was thinking, how pretentious would it be to have two wedding dresses?

I'm sure I could find something to do with the first color but still, I'm almost a little irritated with myself that I didn't think of it before. I think it's because when I first looked at the color my mom said it looked to autumn-y and I wasn't sure if I agreed with her or not but she said she loved how the brighter one looked against my skin and I agreed because I like bright things. But then we saw the dark against me and I loved it. I also picked up the accent color, and then completely forgot to get thread for both colors.

And no, I'm not making the dress. First, because I don't even own a sewing machine (nor do I know how to operate one), and second, because I was told it's bad luck to make your own dress.

I did ask someone to be my witness though, because I really want her at my wedding but it's just parents and siblings so I needed a way for her to be there without having to hear about it from either side of the family. I've gotten enough grief on the guest front. We told his parents we only wanted thirty guests and that the reception would be a month after the ceremony and his dad was all snippy and "well if it's only thirty people why don't we just have it on the same day?" Um, because future-father-in-law, that's what we decided on. Also because I finally just let mom plan everything and she decided on that arrangement. And I don't honestly care.

I'm also trying to figure out a polite way to tell Jeremy's sister that she can't bring her kids. We found out that if you tell her it's an adults only service, she'll still bring the little demon spawns. She did it last year at a cousins wedding and we were baffled by her audacity. How can you completely disregard someone's wishes, and especially on their wedding day? I don't want them crying about the dogs, or not being able to go swimming, or worse interrupting the service to whine loudly about something that nobody fucking cares about. You're hot? Shut the fuck up, no one's interested. Did Noah hit you? Seriously, shut the fuck up. Do you want to get in the pool? Cause I will drown your rude, inconsiderate little self. These kids are ten, or possibly nine, but at any rate they're old enough to be polite and have manners and sit quietly for ten goddamn minutes while we agree to love to each other for better or for worse and blah blah blah.

I should probably just let Jeremy talk to her.