Unrelated (Related) Things

I was talking to mom today about my new daily affirmations, and it occurred to me that I didn't remember if I talked about them with you yet. Everyday something happens to affirm that I am correct in hating everyone. That's basically it. At least once I day, instead of getting angry that people make me angry, I say to myself 'there's the reason I hate everyone' and I feel a little less angry. Yesterdays affirmation, for example, happened when I was turning left onto a road with a business entrance about 20-some feet from the corner and some idiot decided he could swing on in there in front of me. I ended up having to slam on my brakes and swerve into the lane next to me, where fortunately there was no other car, to avoid hitting him. In situations like that, I'm not sure why I never lay on the horn, but I don't. I slam my hand against the wheel in rage while I yell incoherent curses at the individual in question, but I just never hit the horn. Afterward, I always feel like I would've felt better if I had, but I never remember to. Ever. I started the affirmations as a joke, in my rage, but I honestly do feel better when they occur. If the human race is good at one thing, it's proving time and time again that we're all a bunch of assholes with no consideration for anyone else.

I wanted to share a picture with you. It's of my keychain. I felt it was important that you see it.

So, what you're looking at is a mess of items. A Walgreens discount thingy, a fob for the door at work, some keys, there's a Power Up card for Gamestop which I've never used because I buy games for Jeremy online, but what I want you to pay attention to are three items in particular. The silver shiny item splayed out to the right there, the red pendant with a weird feathery looking creature, and a superhero in need of a serious paint job. These are the items that will best define me and yes, they are seriously hanging out on my keychain. I keep them there because it feels like the place they'll be closest to me, and not because if anything happens to me and the authorities find only my keys (for some reason) they'll be able to discern my character from them and then determine what happened to me from there and how I would've responded in whatever situation I managed to find myself in. (Kidding, that's totally what they're there for. So, pay attention in case I go missing but leave my keys.)

The shiny silver item is a multi-tool. It opens up to a tiny set of pliers, a flat tip screwdriver, and a cross tip screwdriver. The superhero is Batman, and he very much needs painted, but then he's been around since the early 00's. The red pendant is a phoenix.

I believe in a lot of things, but there are four things in particular that I believe in above most others.

• Love ('above all else, I believe in love')
• Always being prepared
• Ordinary people being heroes
• Living forever

I am an idealist, a romantic, a cynic, a realist, and many other things that seem to contradict one another. They do not. They are just parts of my character. The whole of which, is me. Super awesome and terrible at the same time.

I'm telling you this because I don't want you to think that I sincerely believe the human race is only good at proving that it's selfish and uncaring. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don't. And sometimes, when people are driving like idiots and being reckless with their own lives and the lives of others around them just because they can, I sincerely hope they get in an accident and break both of their legs. (That's the rage talking.)

Jeremy VS The Pickle

Jeremy went out to McDonald's in North Lima, approximately 10-15 minutes from us because the one only 5 minutes away consistently fucks up our orders (although I do admire that consistency). He hates pickles. Fucking hates them. If he could remove all pickles from the planet, he absolutely would, even if it meant that I would suffer because I love them. And every once in awhile the North Lima location will put pickles on his burgers but because it's so uncommon from them he just takes them off and suffers quietly through his pickle juice saturated burger. But not tonight.

Tonight he went back out to North Lima to ask for a burger made the way his damn receipt said it was made, NO PICKLE. He was so fired up his exact words were: "I'm going back out there."

He gets there, speaks to a manager who says they'll remake it and give him fresh fries, and he waits for his new NO PICKLE Big Mac. They give him the new bag, and to be sure, he takes the burger out to check it.

Opens the lid.

Checks under the bun.

Fucking pickles.

So he just closes it back up and sets the container on the counter without saying anything. The manager turns around, sees the box, and says the following: "Fucking seriously?" (I'm paraphrasing. But I'm not far off.)

The manager had to make it himself to be sure there were no pickles on it.

I don't understand the inability of human beings to follow simple instructions.