In my efforts to make my face presentable and not acne-riddled and mustachioed, I decided it would be wonderful to share the following with the known world. At least the world with internets and peculiar interests. So I present the following image:
What you are looking at are the various products I often slather across my mug so that you, the human race, are not forced to look upon me with a mixture of disgust and pity.
They consist of (from L-R)
- a facial toner (straight witch hazel),
- skin moisturizer
- a face wash (Black Magic from One Hand Washes The Other (I urge you to check it out) )
- hair remover, for my super-feminine mustache
- acne treatment cream, for those pesky little whoppers that refuse to budge with just face wash
- a peel off mask (Blackberry from Bath and Body Works. I love how it smells, and that it makes me look super racist, cartoons-mimicking-Al-Jolson-style)
- an exfoliating face scrub (also Black Magic, and also as fantastic)
- and finally, an aloe cream, which shall be applied thickly and with wanton disregard for what happens when I happen to drink too hastily, to my upper lip, after use of said hair remover cream (cause that shit can sting)
I have also included, for your benefit, a picture of me in my Al Jolson-style face mask.
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| Mammy, Mammy, Mammy! (I had an itch. Don't judge.) |
I do not use every item every day. That would be insane. Can you imagine how intense and thick and gross my mustache would have to be for me to use a hair remover, every morning? I would just join a circus at that point. Are they accepting mustachioed ladies or just bearded ladies? I could be the gentleman lady. Ooh story!
Anyway, I have shown you most of medicine cabinet. I do this in good faith. So that when you see me again, and I can only manage to look like this:
You will know that it was the best that I could do. And not consider me ghastly... Look how dry my hair is. It's seriously, so dry.
