Conversation I Recently Had

Me (on the phone): Oh no that's awful. Yeah happy to help.

Mom: Did someone die?

Me: Yeah some broad at work, her granddad passed away recently so I'm picking up her shift Friday.

Mom: Oh that's terrible.

Me: He was like ninety and had been dying for like, a year.

Mom: That's still sad though.

Me: I mean yeah, but after that long aren't you kinda relieved that it's finally done with. And aren't you a little pissed that they've taken so long? It's been a year, come on now.

Mom (laughs, maybe uncomfortably at first): I guess so yeah. Your grandma seemed to drag it out near the end there.

I'm a terrible person. I also paraphrased mom a little there on that last line, but I can vouch that it did seem to take her mom forever to die. I feel like I grew up in that hospital while that woman was slowly but surely kicking the bucket.

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While putting off emailing a supervisor a set of goals and objectives to reach said goals, I started browsing the internet and got distracted by THE WORLD, as I often do. I kept telling myself I was waiting for Jeremy to proof-read it before I sent it, but really I just don't want to send it. Having a job where I have to set goals for myself is irritating. Especially because they aren't goals to improve my job performance, or advance my position. I'm already excelling in the performance area, and I can't advance my position until the people hired before me either advance their own or decide they don't want to. I'm dependent on them. I don't like it. They're personal goals, to I guess help me enjoy my work day? I made stuff up that sounded like what they would want to hear.

In more important news, I definitely don't like my job. I told my brother that and he said, 'I could've told you that.' So uh... why didn't you? I keep that maybe if I were in a different unit I would enjoy it but I can't really say for sure that what I don't like can be narrowed down to a specific thing like that. There's a lot I don't like, and not much I do. When I was discussing this with my aunt about a month ago the things I did like outweighed the things I didn't and we decided that while it wasn't perfect it was still better than having a job and disliking the majority of it. I've reached the point where I dislike the majority of it.

Jeremy and I were talking about our mutual dislike of our current means of employment and I was saying how I need a job where I don't have to go anywhere if I don't want to, that allows me to be creative and challenges me, affords us the kind of vacation time we want (a week off without having to schedule months in advance, or even just a weekend off without having to schedule a month in advance and still not be totally sure that I'll get it), and also affords our expensive taste. Or even moderate taste. Comfortable living, really, is what we're aiming for right now.

I said, I need something...

Jeremy said, write.

Except for some reason I heard that word as, right.

I think both words apply.

Until then, I guess I just have to pretend I like my job and hope that eventually it'll come back to me and I won't be pretending anymore. And also keep writing. Always always writing.

Teavana!

Yesterday I took my first foray into Teavana. I can easily see blowing an entire paycheck in that store, and not just because some of the tea is very pricey. $12 for 2 ounces? Come on son. No, I mean because the moment I walked in that store I wanted to buy everything I saw. Tea sets, more than I could ever need, all the tea, I mean ALL the tea, even the floral ones that I don't even really like cause they always taste like I'm eating a flower, I would buy them all. I have no logical explanation for this response, but it exists. Maybe they put something in the air in the store that just makes a general tea drinker want to buy more tea than one human could possibly need.

We went in with Scotty and Ashley, and we were sampling some teas and the girl asked if we were tea drinkers and all three of them pointed to me. I got out of there with one tin (the smaller of the two) of Earl Grey Cream, and it didn't even make my wallet cry. Scotty, as Ashley pointed out, did not come away so well. The amount of money that kid spent on tea, a thing that you will literally piss away, made me hate him a little bit.

I said it.

Turns out, I bookmarked the Teavana website like, two years ago, and have not purchased a single thing from it. Probably cause it seemed crazy expensive. The problem now is that after being in there and trying the teas, I want to buy more. The page is open in the next tab in my browser. I just have to click over and boom! All my money, gone.

I really love tea, you guys. Like, really love it. It's one of my favorite things in the known world. Did I tell you about my plans to open a book-and-tea shop? We won't sell coffee, because I damn well said so, but we'll sell new and used books, and teas. I have the perfect name for it, and even if I had told you about this, when you read the name you still have to be impressed by it. Because it is so cute and clever!

The Novelty Shop (trademark Storm Michele)

I mean... what a great name. If someone already has this, I'm burning their building to the ground and then finding all documents pertaining to it and also setting those on fire. This is my book-and-tea shop.

Also this weekend, I helped Scotty assemble a dresser for his unborn tiny baby and saw some koi fish because my brother has a koi fish pond. And way too many fish in it. There's like, a bunch. He'll have to kill some apparently, because there's only supposed to be so many and if unattended they'll just keep reproducing until there's more fish than water in the pond. I mean, I imagine that's what would happen.