Yeah these are a real smooth fit over the thighs.
This is the waist? Seriously?
Sweet muffin top, girl.
How do girls get these to button?
And there's a zipper. Like, a legit zipper.
Oh god, really?
Ugh.
Why did I even put these on?
I looked at them, knew they would be awful, yet I brought them to the fitting room anyway.
Why are my legs so pasty?
They're actually pasty. Like, if you held glue next to my legs, they would be the exact same shade. This is worse than pale.
Pale could be sexy.
But this is pasty.
Are those my stretch marks?
They look so angry.
Why are they angry?
I should be angry. They are making it impossible to compete with other women.
That's the point of clothes this small, right? Just to know you look better in them than other women? Even that size 2 who won't quit bragging about her charity walks?
Shut up bitch, no one's interested.
Do these effectively hide my thunder?
Try jogging in place.
Now try it and ignore the disturbing way your stomach jiggles.
That's not too bad.
What about from the side-OH GOD NO!
Fuck these shorts.
