... while waiting to see if I have breast cancer.
(It's cool, I'm fine. Doctor says it's just an inflamed-lymph-node-lump, and not a terrifying we'll-have-to-take-the-breast lump.)
*in the waiting room, forever*
Jeremy: What time was the appointment?
Me: 11:15
Jeremy: And what time is it now?
Me: Later than 11:15
(by like, over an hour)
*finally in a room*
Nurse: We only have one ultrasound machine and it's in the other room so it'll be just another few minutes. (leaves)
Jeremy: Another few minutes? I don't know how time works in here but in the real world, that wait was longer than a few minutes. By about, seventy-five.
Me: There's a diagram of your intestines in here.
Jeremy: ...Man, that's a lot of diseases. That's one effed up person.
Me: I don't think it's an actual image.
Jeremy: It is.
Me: Are you sure?
Jeremy: Yes. And that person needs help. We should find him.
*later, still in the first room*
Me: I can't remember the actor who played Spengler.
Jeremy: Harold Ramis.
Me: Harold Ramis, thank you.
*in the ultrasound room*
Me: (after putting on the gown, backwards like a vest, as per the nurse's instructions) This could be a good look for me.
Jeremy: Yeah especially with your clunky winter boots.
Me: It's the winter version.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
Trimming the Tree and Some Dress Sizes
Before the wedding Jeremy and I were both committed to losing weight. We set a goal, and we both reached it before we left for our honeymoon. Yay us!
Then we gained back like, 15 pounds each. Because while we walked everywhere, seriously we walked almost everywhere, we also ate whatever we wanted and... walked everywhere. Walking is not the slimming exercise everyone would have you believe. You tone, true, but you also build muscle which can read as weight gain. Which is fine if you're a dude, but if you're a girl trying to slim down building muscle sucks.
I'm not happy with the wedding pictures or reception pictures because I have this weird pouch thing happening. I guess bloating would be a better term, cause it's higher up than a pouch would be. I'm not a kangaroo or anything, but I feel like I could have looked slimmer. And that's entirely my fault. (Also, everyone who didn't tell me and/or buy me Spanx.) The last holiday picture of Jeremy and I, we both look gross. We saw it and immediately made sounds of disgust at our own images. So we're trying to slim down, together. Again. Maybe this time we'll stay fit until we have kids.
That's my ultimate goal. I want to be about 20-30 pounds lighter when we get pregnant, this way I can gain some healthy baby weight and then make Jeremy stay home with the kid after it's born and I can hang out at the gym 2-4-7. Also, I told Jeremy he's not allowed to gain sympathy weight. That's crap.
Realistically, I just want to fit into the bridesmaids dress I wore for my brother's wedding. That would be B.A. I'm concerned it'll have to wait until after the holidays, only because no one seems to know how to make healthy dishes at this time of year. 'How much does this recipe call for? All the butter in the world? That seems fine.' But if I have no willpower to say no to one more cookie, there doesn't seem to be much hope for the rest of the year, does there? That just won't do. Eff you holiday baking. No means no!
So this holiday, since we're both trying to lose weight, we're committed to keeping each other committed. He's my support, and I'm his. Seriously, it was in the vows: 'I promise to tell you you're pretty when you think you're hideous and compliment your slim and at the same time womanly curves because I know how much it means to you to be fit but still feminine and healthy.'
I wrote them myself.
In related news, (read the title, it's related) we aren't putting up the tree this year. For starters, I hate artificial trees. They creep me out. Also, ours is stored in the basement all year and I don't like to think of the spiders and whatnot we're bringing up into the apartment when we let that tree back in. So instead I'm going to build a tree out of ornaments. It's going to be terrific and sparkly, just like Christmas. With lights and garland and it'll hang from the ceiling so there's no chance the dog will knock things off with her insane tail. Oh! I have to buy Christmas cards... I just remembered that. There's no relation here except that I'm on the Christmas subject.
Also unrelated, it's 3:14 in the afternoon and I still haven't showered. This overnight thing is really messing my schedule.
Then we gained back like, 15 pounds each. Because while we walked everywhere, seriously we walked almost everywhere, we also ate whatever we wanted and... walked everywhere. Walking is not the slimming exercise everyone would have you believe. You tone, true, but you also build muscle which can read as weight gain. Which is fine if you're a dude, but if you're a girl trying to slim down building muscle sucks.
I'm not happy with the wedding pictures or reception pictures because I have this weird pouch thing happening. I guess bloating would be a better term, cause it's higher up than a pouch would be. I'm not a kangaroo or anything, but I feel like I could have looked slimmer. And that's entirely my fault. (Also, everyone who didn't tell me and/or buy me Spanx.) The last holiday picture of Jeremy and I, we both look gross. We saw it and immediately made sounds of disgust at our own images. So we're trying to slim down, together. Again. Maybe this time we'll stay fit until we have kids.
That's my ultimate goal. I want to be about 20-30 pounds lighter when we get pregnant, this way I can gain some healthy baby weight and then make Jeremy stay home with the kid after it's born and I can hang out at the gym 2-4-7. Also, I told Jeremy he's not allowed to gain sympathy weight. That's crap.
Realistically, I just want to fit into the bridesmaids dress I wore for my brother's wedding. That would be B.A. I'm concerned it'll have to wait until after the holidays, only because no one seems to know how to make healthy dishes at this time of year. 'How much does this recipe call for? All the butter in the world? That seems fine.' But if I have no willpower to say no to one more cookie, there doesn't seem to be much hope for the rest of the year, does there? That just won't do. Eff you holiday baking. No means no!
So this holiday, since we're both trying to lose weight, we're committed to keeping each other committed. He's my support, and I'm his. Seriously, it was in the vows: 'I promise to tell you you're pretty when you think you're hideous and compliment your slim and at the same time womanly curves because I know how much it means to you to be fit but still feminine and healthy.'
I wrote them myself.
In related news, (read the title, it's related) we aren't putting up the tree this year. For starters, I hate artificial trees. They creep me out. Also, ours is stored in the basement all year and I don't like to think of the spiders and whatnot we're bringing up into the apartment when we let that tree back in. So instead I'm going to build a tree out of ornaments. It's going to be terrific and sparkly, just like Christmas. With lights and garland and it'll hang from the ceiling so there's no chance the dog will knock things off with her insane tail. Oh! I have to buy Christmas cards... I just remembered that. There's no relation here except that I'm on the Christmas subject.
Also unrelated, it's 3:14 in the afternoon and I still haven't showered. This overnight thing is really messing my schedule.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
The Giving of Gifts
I've found that one of the hardest things at the holidays is finding the right gift. As I get older my list of people I have to shop for gets longer and longer, which is frustrating because I'm not made of money people. I don't have money trees growing in my backyard, or anywhere in my yard for that matter. If I did, I would just give money. Do you see me giving money? No, you do not. Because I have no money trees. ...Since money is part cloth, would it still grow on a tree? Just like, a cloth tree, right? That kinda makes sense.
Really though, this list thing is becoming an issue. Sometimes, at various points throughout the year, I'll be perusing the internet and come across a gift that I think would be great for someone and then I'll remember that I didn't buy them a gift last year because I didn't think we were that close and if I buy them a gift this year then I'm saying that we are that close and what if they didn't feel the same way and they haven't bought me a gift but now they feel obligated and we have to buy each other gifts next year out of an obligation and not because we like each other. Or worse, they don't buy me a gift and I just feel like a loser giving gifts away without provocation because I don't know what kind of relationship we have.
See how that got out of control so quickly?
I go through this all the time.
Even with people I know I have to buy for, siblings, parents, significant other; it still get complicated. Sometimes I spend months trying to find the perfect gift, the one that makes the receiver think "she really gets me and knows who I am as a person, she pays attention when I talk." But I never find it. And then I'm scrambling at the last minute to come up with something and it ends up being crap. It's like I remember the one thing they used to be really into and I have two days before the gift-giving and I am running out of options damn it! So enjoy your one millionth copy of The Complete Collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle brother, because it's not like I bought you the other nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine copies.
Are those numbers accurate? I have no idea. I don't do numbers. Which never seems to stop me from making number jokes. (Why was six afraid of seven?)
I've found this trend happening lately where I find a gift for someone and make a mental note to go back to it closer to the holidays, because if I buy when I see it, then I'll forget that it's in the house and that person will end up with a dozen gifts to the two that I got everyone else. So I remember it, or bookmark it, whatever. Then November comes around and I start seriously thinking about gifts. Because I tend to shop online I like to get those gifts in as soon as I can so I'm not sitting there like a asshole on Christmas morning handing out IOU's cause I was too cheap to pay for 2-day shipping. And then I see it: this whole time I've been thinking, 'oh she'd love that! this would be perfect! she'll probably cry when she opens this.' Those thoughts are for different gifts. All for the same person. So I've compiled a list. Terrific. Of nearly a dozen items. For one person.
I haven't bought them though. Which is better, somehow. But now I have to narrow down the items and then I come back into the territory of, 'what is this gift saying about how I view our relationship?' This one item is $XX, but I know she'll really love it. On the other hand these two items are even cheaper than that one item and I know she's kind of into this thing. Do I go expensive and get the gift I know the person will really love and hope that they also went the same route, or do I go relatively cheaper and get the gift I know they'll put on a good face for but wish they had gotten something a little more personal?
I think the biggest problem I face isn't a monetary value, or how many people I keep having to buy for. It's that I never know how they're going to shop, so I don't know how I'm supposed to shop. Maybe this is why people put price limits on gift giving.
Is it cool to do that with family?
Really though, this list thing is becoming an issue. Sometimes, at various points throughout the year, I'll be perusing the internet and come across a gift that I think would be great for someone and then I'll remember that I didn't buy them a gift last year because I didn't think we were that close and if I buy them a gift this year then I'm saying that we are that close and what if they didn't feel the same way and they haven't bought me a gift but now they feel obligated and we have to buy each other gifts next year out of an obligation and not because we like each other. Or worse, they don't buy me a gift and I just feel like a loser giving gifts away without provocation because I don't know what kind of relationship we have.
See how that got out of control so quickly?
I go through this all the time.
Even with people I know I have to buy for, siblings, parents, significant other; it still get complicated. Sometimes I spend months trying to find the perfect gift, the one that makes the receiver think "she really gets me and knows who I am as a person, she pays attention when I talk." But I never find it. And then I'm scrambling at the last minute to come up with something and it ends up being crap. It's like I remember the one thing they used to be really into and I have two days before the gift-giving and I am running out of options damn it! So enjoy your one millionth copy of The Complete Collection of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle brother, because it's not like I bought you the other nine hundred ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine copies.
Are those numbers accurate? I have no idea. I don't do numbers. Which never seems to stop me from making number jokes. (Why was six afraid of seven?)
I've found this trend happening lately where I find a gift for someone and make a mental note to go back to it closer to the holidays, because if I buy when I see it, then I'll forget that it's in the house and that person will end up with a dozen gifts to the two that I got everyone else. So I remember it, or bookmark it, whatever. Then November comes around and I start seriously thinking about gifts. Because I tend to shop online I like to get those gifts in as soon as I can so I'm not sitting there like a asshole on Christmas morning handing out IOU's cause I was too cheap to pay for 2-day shipping. And then I see it: this whole time I've been thinking, 'oh she'd love that! this would be perfect! she'll probably cry when she opens this.' Those thoughts are for different gifts. All for the same person. So I've compiled a list. Terrific. Of nearly a dozen items. For one person.
I haven't bought them though. Which is better, somehow. But now I have to narrow down the items and then I come back into the territory of, 'what is this gift saying about how I view our relationship?' This one item is $XX, but I know she'll really love it. On the other hand these two items are even cheaper than that one item and I know she's kind of into this thing. Do I go expensive and get the gift I know the person will really love and hope that they also went the same route, or do I go relatively cheaper and get the gift I know they'll put on a good face for but wish they had gotten something a little more personal?
I think the biggest problem I face isn't a monetary value, or how many people I keep having to buy for. It's that I never know how they're going to shop, so I don't know how I'm supposed to shop. Maybe this is why people put price limits on gift giving.
Is it cool to do that with family?
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