Spent a good deal of the afternoon talking with my brother and his wife, via texts, about job opportunities and moving and stuff and I was all excited about the future and then I talk to Jeremy about it, he who has previously also shown interest in moving and more opportunities, and he basically shot it down entirely.
Awesome. Stuck here forever.
Completely unrelated is this brief list I came up with: Things People Should Stop Doing
Yelling when you're on the phone in public. If you're that sure that the person on the other end can't hear you, just hang up or go outside. You make me hate you.
Ignoring your crying child in public. If you don't do something about it, I effing will, and you and your child will both be scarred for the rest of your unnatural lives. Seriously. Shut that kid up. You're embarrassing yourself and your entire genealogy.
Making brief, but obvious, eye contact when in the restroom. Look, I get it. We're both women, we're both in the restroom at the same time. Maybe I'm just leaving a stall and you're going in one, maybe it's reversed. Maybe we're both going to the sink at the same time. That does not mean we are now, nor have ever been, in a secret society of special people who are in the same room at the same time. That would be a totally pointless secret society. What would their purpose even be? Just to meet, accidentally/on purpose, in rooms? Any room too, or specific room? Does the room determine how long you maintain eye contact, or if you share a glimpse of a smile in passing? Shit, maybe there should be a society. Ladies, let's discuss in the restroom. But only briefly.
People walking their dog, nodding and saying hey to other people walking their dog. Or people walking and saying hey to other people walking. People on foot, at any time, passing another person on foot, and saying hey because of any similarity whatsoever. When I'm driving somewhere, I don't nod what's up to another driver next to me at the red light just because we're both driving. If I'm checking out at the grocery store and I notice the guy behind me putting a can of green beans on the conveyor, exactly like the one the cashier just rang up for you guys!, I don't even make eye contact. You know why? Because that does not make us friends! In any damn way. Stop trying to connect yourself with others in completely asinine ways, entire human race!
Friday, April 20, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Updated Glasses Prescription!
Had my pupils dilated for the first time ever this morning. It was ... different. That seems like an appropriate word for it. Apparently- wait, first: I had an eye exam this morning because of the breaking-my-glasses thing that occurred like two weeks ago. I finally made an appointment. Okay, back: apparently the doctor saw a super teeny tiny freckle at the back of my eye. Then he asked if I've ever had my pupils dilated before. I was like, certainly not! Wait, why is something wrong?
It's no big deal, the freckle I mean (literally the smallest one he's ever seen (that's what she said)), but my eyes are still sore and it's been like, since 9:45-ish this morning. So... those many hours. I wore shades inside the drugstore and library, and then my house. My actual house. Where the dog sees me and I watch TV and sometimes do the dishes. Of all the humiliations.
Anyway, the pupils are still enormous but not the level of cartoon-drug-trip they were earlier. The doctor told me I wouldn't be able to read for about two hours afterwards, then asked if that would be a problem. I said no, but internally I was trying not to punch him the face. Two hours! Eff you pupils and tiny freckle! Eff, you!
My brother's wife was texting me before the exam so after, when she sent another text, I responded again because my vision hadn't gotten blurry and sort of painful. This continued for like 15 minutes. Then she sent me one that said: Sorry I am texting you Scotty just told me you had your eyes diluted!
I thought about it for a moment, and didn't correct her auto-correct. (I assume it was auto correct. She's like, anti-social smart so she obviously knows the difference between the two words.) Because my vision had been diluted. So she was technically correct.
Then Jeremy told me pistachios were on sale on deals.woot.com, $5 for a pound. And I was like, you buy the hell out of those right this minute. And I think he did. I stopped reading texts for a while after that. Ya know. Cause of the eye thing. The diluted eyes. The dilated eyes. That stuff.
So I basically spent my morning and early afternoon wearing sunglasses in my house, cause I'm a bad motha, and not reading, cause I was rendered intermediate blind.
Intermediate blind is not a thing. I totes made that up.
Also, my eyes are pretty much the same except the 'script is written differently because the nearsightedness changed in one eye, but so did the Astigmatism. So it balanced out, sort of.
It's no big deal, the freckle I mean (literally the smallest one he's ever seen (that's what she said)), but my eyes are still sore and it's been like, since 9:45-ish this morning. So... those many hours. I wore shades inside the drugstore and library, and then my house. My actual house. Where the dog sees me and I watch TV and sometimes do the dishes. Of all the humiliations.
Anyway, the pupils are still enormous but not the level of cartoon-drug-trip they were earlier. The doctor told me I wouldn't be able to read for about two hours afterwards, then asked if that would be a problem. I said no, but internally I was trying not to punch him the face. Two hours! Eff you pupils and tiny freckle! Eff, you!
My brother's wife was texting me before the exam so after, when she sent another text, I responded again because my vision hadn't gotten blurry and sort of painful. This continued for like 15 minutes. Then she sent me one that said: Sorry I am texting you Scotty just told me you had your eyes diluted!
I thought about it for a moment, and didn't correct her auto-correct. (I assume it was auto correct. She's like, anti-social smart so she obviously knows the difference between the two words.) Because my vision had been diluted. So she was technically correct.
Then Jeremy told me pistachios were on sale on deals.woot.com, $5 for a pound. And I was like, you buy the hell out of those right this minute. And I think he did. I stopped reading texts for a while after that. Ya know. Cause of the eye thing. The diluted eyes. The dilated eyes. That stuff.
So I basically spent my morning and early afternoon wearing sunglasses in my house, cause I'm a bad motha, and not reading, cause I was rendered intermediate blind.
Intermediate blind is not a thing. I totes made that up.
Also, my eyes are pretty much the same except the 'script is written differently because the nearsightedness changed in one eye, but so did the Astigmatism. So it balanced out, sort of.
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