High Anxiety

Last night at work, I was climbing like a 15' ladder and I was right next to some light fixtures (that I personally have always thought were too low) whilst hanging some clothes on an end panel and while up there I glanced over my shoulder for some reason, and I actually got light headed (and almost had a panic attack) cause I felt like I was falling backwards.

I don't have a fear of heights, vertigo, and I'm not normally prone to panic attacks or anxiety. So I'm going to chalk it up to it being so damn hot in that store to being with, and having 90 watt light bulbs literally inches from me.

The rest of my evening was spent wondering how inappropriate it would be to wear a two-piece to work, trying to stay away of from the damn lights, and sweating like a man. Oh, and organizing boots. Always with the boots. Once October rolls around the boots start pouring in. And they keep coming until March, when we start getting flip flops instead. It makes me hate footwear.

- Working there kinda makes me hate all things all things related to clothing and covering the body. When I get home from work, I take off my shoes first, and I almost always follow that with taking off my pants. And sometimes my shirt. And socks. Occasionally I'll put on a robe, but most often I desperately need to shower and take a nap, cause it's like working out but for 5-9 hours straight. Just climbing, and bending, and lifting, and sweating. And I'm supposed to look decent while doing this so I'm wearing nice clothes, or jeans and a button up, or khakis. We're not even supposed to wear shoes with a rubber sole, but I say eff that and wear my sneakers anyway. So when I get out of there, my clothes are covered in sweat and I hate everything that I'm wearing and I never want to wear it again so when I get home of course my first reaction is to take off all my clothes. I can't tell if it's worse or better in the cold months, cause when I leave work at least it's a little refreshing to walk out into cool air and not a 90+ scorcher. All I know is I wish I could work from home. This way when I work out, I only have to do an hour of it and I can wear whatever clothes I want. Instead of doing squats in jeans. -

Ladies, Stop Throwing Your Unbroken Hymen Around Like It's No Thing

So the episode of Gossip Girl I'm watching right now has Jennie about to lose her V-card. She's 16, he's an adult and a drug dealer, and everyone's telling her to wait and think it over, be sure, yada yada. And she is dead set on just giving it away. Then, when they're in bed, she finally tells him she's a virgin, and he says it's no big deal.

I'm sorry, no big deal? No big deal? Why do people have that response? In what free-love world are you living in where having sex for the first time is just a thing to check off a list?

• Do laundry
• Wash hair
• Grab lunch with friends
• Lose virginity
• Do laundry... again

So Jennie hears this, and for once this chick who is constantly making the stupidest decisions I have ever seen a teenage girl make, real or imagined, says the same thing I said a moment before she did: Actually, it is a big deal.

Of course, she lied and told Serena she had sex anyway but that's her self-esteem issues to work out, and no amount of my yelling at the TV is going to change the fact that she absolutely should have told her step-sister she was mature enough to not have dismissive sex with someone who doesn't care about her and that she needed a shoulder to cry on. Because lying about doing that is almost as bad as doing it. Shame on you, CW writers. You are setting terrible examples for young girls the world over.

Which reminds me, Elena on The Vampire Diaries doesn't want to be a vampire. After the disastrous Early Evening Sparkly thing (you know) it's refreshing to see a girl in love with a vampire that doesn't want to be with him for all eternity. Just until she dies. Which is still a little... ya know. Something.

Things I Do When I Should Be Writing... Or Having a Life

So when I find something I like, I get hooked on it. If it's a TV show, I watch all the old seasons until I'm totally caught up and then wait impatiently for new episodes. (My newest obsessions are Supernatural and The Vampire Diaries, both CW shows. Almost like they make good shows?) If it's an author, I have to read everything they've ever written. I decide I love dresses, so I spend literally hours perusing the internet and bookmarking sites like I'll actually purchase these dresses at some point.

Which is crazy because some of them are like, $50 or more. I sincerely cannot imagine spending $75 on a dress that isn't even for a wedding or something. But I want to. Cause they look so pretty and then I fantasize about wearing them out places and people complimenting me on my lovely dress and shoes... That sounds super sad.

Anyway right now, my current kick is nail polish. I have an entire wishlist dedicated to nail polish. It's called Make-Up but it's really just nail polish. Like, over 60 bottles of it. I want them all. Nail polish though, unlike the super expensive dresses, I'll actually use. I love nail polish. I don't really wear make-up, it's a personal choice (also cause my face is super sensitive and freaks out with most products) but I do love painting my nails. So head's up family and friends wanting to buy me presents: go to Amazon and search for my wishlist under my sbc email.

Drunken Conversations with My Husband

('You Make My Dreams Come True' by Hall and Oates comes on the radio)

Me: Oh I love this song!

Jeremy: (after a moment) Whenever I hear this song, I always think of the Ducktales theme song.

Me: No! I do too! I am so glad I married you! Cause I have always thought that, and you do too, and we have so many things in common.

Jeremy: Yeah I love you too. (under his breath, I'm sure) Crazy drunk.