Love and Marriage and Work and the English Language

When I've been up for a while and Jeremy is still asleep, I'll pass the bedroom and see him taking up the entire bed and think, 'man that guy's amazing, I'm glad we're best friends... how do we both fit on that thing?' (cause he's kinda tall, I don't know if I've expressed that before). Then I'll go in and kiss his forehead or whatever. Except I always give him a heads up like, 'Husband I love you,' or 'Jeremy I'm going to kiss you,' or my personal favorite, 'hey don't punch me in the throat,' cause of that one time I attempted to kiss him while he was sleeping and he tried to punch me in the throat. Cause he thought I was a zombie.

This is what I married, guys.

I chose him.

He was like, 'you wanna do this thing?'

And I was like, 'pssh, hell yeah!'

Yesterday at work I wrote angry missives to each patron I had. Well, almost each patron. I would finish our interaction, and write a few lines on some scrap paper about how much they were damaging the human race. Then I would tear that shit up and pretend it never happened. It made the day a little better.

Also of note, I went to the wrong library yesterday by accident. (Obviously, because who would do that on purpose?) When I showed up at the right library the guard was like, 'this one is ----' and I was like 'oh no kidding asshole? I thought it was ----.' (Dashes because while yes, it's pretty clear where I work, I don't think I've been specific about names... Have I?) I really hate it when people think they're being clever by pointing out the mistakes you are already aware of. When it happens to me I always have to rifle through my extensive memory and check if it's a thing I do and this is the universe telling me not to be such a douche. I do it. To be fair though, I only do it if I know the other person won't be aggravated by it. To be more fair, I don't mind it sometimes, but first thing in the morning when I'm clearly running late because I can't read a schedule, apparently, and I'm worried that not even a full week after an excellent evaluation my coming into work late because I'm an idiot will make my supervisors reconsider their position... that is not a good time to think you're clever, random security guard.

Light note: a patron owed money and when she asked how much I told her three fifty. She replied, tree fiddy? And I stifled a laugh. (Guys I just learned that I've been spelling 'stifled' wrong, for years. Blogger just angry red lined it when I put two F's in it. How did I not know this? It's literally been years.)