Clerk Apprentice I

I had my six week evaluation yesterday. I've worked there longer but your time is determined by how many hours you work, which is also how I gain seniority (so note to self, start picking up more hours). They may have also waited till they had done everyone else's yearly evaluations, and there's a bunch of us so that takes time. Regardless, I am now officially a Clerk Apprentice I. I got to switch out my name tag and everything. I also got glowing reviews and I was even complimented on my eloquent grasp of the English language. Seriously. Last week I had to turn in the goals and objectives, and when I met with my supervisor yesterday she said that she normally has to change some wording or sometimes rewrite the goal entirely so that it reads more professionally and she barely had to change anything in mine. She was very impressed with how well I presented myself.

I had gotten to a point at work where I was just doing my thing and hoping it was good enough, sub-par at best, and I was fine with that approach. It didn't occur to me that even when I'm not really trying I'm still excelling because it's in my nature to work hard. But I don't like not caring. I felt like I was doing good work, but no one was saying that so I had no idea if I actually was. Turns out that because I don't receive praise a lot, I often forget the good things about myself. If I'm not constantly being reminded that I'm good at things, I start to forget and end up thinking I'm actually not good at anything. It's pretty rough. A person shouldn't need constant validation. That's unhealthy. But I've recognized that trait in myself and I'm trying to correct it. I don't like that it's me this many years to see it though.

I was worried that maybe I was too quiet at work, and that's something I thought I should work on in my goals. Then I was complimented on that aspect because it creates a more trusting environment where people feel secure that I won't be talking about them behind their backs. Which happens a crazy lot, but that's to be expected when you have women working together unfortunately. They think I'm calm, adaptable, timely, efficient, and polite. These things are all true. They also think I show potential for more responsibility, which I guess is good. I don't know that I really want that right now. I suppose if it leads to something full-time then I should be more open to it. I don't like being responsible for things though. It doesn't make me nervous I just don't like having to deal with people who don't take direction well and then I end up having to correct their mistakes and doing twice the work. That doesn't sound fun at all.

Oh, also, I get an automatic raise in six months.