I Hate My Face Sometimes

In my efforts to make my face presentable and not acne-riddled and mustachioed, I decided it would be wonderful to share the following with the known world. At least the world with internets and peculiar interests. So I present the following image:

What you are looking at are the various products I often slather across my mug so that you, the human race, are not forced to look upon me with a mixture of disgust and pity.

They consist of (from L-R)

• a facial toner (straight witch hazel),
• skin moisturizer
• a face wash (Black Magic from One Hand Washes The Other (I urge you to check it out) )
• hair remover, for my super-feminine mustache
• acne treatment cream, for those pesky little whoppers that refuse to budge with just face wash
• a peel off mask (Blackberry from Bath and Body Works. I love how it smells, and that it makes me look super racist, cartoons-mimicking-Al-Jolson-style)
• an exfoliating face scrub (also Black Magic, and also as fantastic)
• and finally, an aloe cream, which shall be applied thickly and with wanton disregard for what happens when I happen to drink too hastily, to my upper lip, after use of said hair remover cream (cause that shit can sting)

I have also included, for your benefit, a picture of me in my Al Jolson-style face mask.

Mammy, Mammy, Mammy!
(I had an itch. Don't judge.)

I do not use every item every day. That would be insane. Can you imagine how intense and thick and gross my mustache would have to be for me to use a hair remover, every morning? I would just join a circus at that point. Are they accepting mustachioed ladies or just bearded ladies? I could be the gentleman lady. Ooh story!

Anyway, I have shown you most of medicine cabinet. I do this in good faith. So that when you see me again, and I can only manage to look like this:

You will know that it was the best that I could do. And not consider me ghastly... Look how dry my hair is. It's seriously, so dry.

There's a Fucking Bumble Bee in My Library and It Just Happened So I Didn't Blog About That

When I think about the past few weeks, I feel like I've been productive. But then I actually think about them, and I have nothing to show for them. So I have no idea why I feel accomplished, but I really need to nail it down so as to use it for the rest of my natural life. Because we all know I will continue this trend well into my 40's.

My sister-in-law introduced me to Pinterest. I think because she hates me. No joke, I've killed like, days on there. Bookmarking shit for later, like I'm really going to do any of those projects. I just had a four day weekend, know what I did? See the above paragraph.

Spring cleaning is going to be insane at our apartment this year. I moved two pieces of furniture in the bedroom today and nearly died from the dust that I kicked up. Oh! And the blinds. The blinds! Those poor bastards haven't been dusted since we moved in. Before that actually because the landlord didn't really clean this place. So at least 3-4 years since they last were cleaned. No wonder we get sick so much, this place is a breeding ground. Breeeeding. I'm going to start spring cleaning early, cause I don't actually want to die in this place. The thought makes me sad.

I'm always excited when I start a new story, cause it's a fresh story and new characters, and then I remember that I abandoned my other characters in favor of these ones. I'm like the character in angsty tween movies on ABC Family who gets in with the cool crowd (I'm in with the in crowd) and bails on her kinda dorky friends who have been there since the beginning. And good riddance too. Fuck those kids, with their individual style and kind of wacky hair, or whatever makes kids losers these days.

What else is going on...oh yeah I down-sized my lotion collection. And it was a collection. Vast and heavily scented, like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon except easily transported (but not airline approved) bottles filled with water and glycerin and "essential oils." Please, those scents are made in a lab and we all know it, Bath and Body Works. I still have about five bottles of lotion left, but you haven't heard the original number yet. Ready? Alright here it is, and I'm not exaggerating, I counted: 21.

Who the fuck needs 21 bottles of lotion? Shit, who needs 5 but that's beside the point. The point is I have a problem. My skin isn't even that dry. Well it wouldn't be really, what with all the 21 bottles of lotion. So I just mixed them all together. I really thought it would smell awful and I would just have to throw it all out and start over from scratch (I would think that because buying more lotion would be joyful for me. Again, problem.), but no. No, it actually smells really good. Like, bubble bath good. That's not my best analogy but I really do love bubble baths. I like to take them either before or after a shower, this way I still get clean. I soak for hours. Hours. I get all pruney and water logged and the water gets room temp before I'm done with it. Sometimes,  I add more hot water. Mostly I just like being in the water. And pretty smells. A bubble bath combines both of those things. Why would I not like it?

I made a vest out a T-shirt recently. It's pretty pimp. I would show you, but some asshole keeps not buying a chord for the camera like he said he would for me to upload pictures. And I'm waaayyy too lazy to buy one myself. So just take my word for it. It's B.A. Barackus-style. I used one of Jeremy's old shirts, and cut the sleeves and collar off and then cut the seams open and the open neck becomes the arm holes. I have a Cobra Kai vest now. Thanks Jeremy!

Everybody's Asking Where You Are

I can't believe I forgot that November is also National Novel Writing Month! Can someone honestly start and finish a novel in one month? Or even, in my case, finish one? It's already the 10th. I've come too far in the month. Why bother even trying?

I feel like I've just seen why I have yet to finish a single story, but I'm too lazy to do anything about it. I left work two hours early last night cause I wasn't feeling well and it's carried over to today a little bit. I feel like a huge disappointment at work cause not only did we leave early, we also didn't get the stock transferred in that we've been needing nor did either of us remember to check our bags before we left. So we're on camera just strolling up to the doors, turning the alarm off and then on, and making a quick exit. We could only look more suspicious if we glanced over our shoulders a few times anxiously. I hate feeling this way, the disappointing part not the sick part (although I do hate being sick). I told Jeremy I was worried that they would see this, only day 3, as my being incapable of performing the tasks they've set upon me and seriously rethinking their decision to promote me. He was like, settle down Storm.

I'm currently at the laptop with five browser windows open: Netflix with Gossip Girl queued up (for serious guys, and I have no idea why I keep watching it. I don't even care about them), this blog, my shopping cart on Haus of Gloi, my shopping cart on Bath and Body (they have some sweet sales going on right now), and a Google search for the correct spelling of 'queued.' I'm debating on spending as much money as my carts says I will on bath and body products. I'm also debating on watching another episode of Gossip Girl, where Dan and Serena try to work things out even though I'd much rather see their parents get together cause I honestly think Dan is kind of a jackass. Hey! I do care what happens!

Celebratory Drinks!

I have officially been married for one month!!!!

(Yes, it needed four exclamation marks.)
Good, now that the awesomest news I have to tell is out of the way, here are some other not so awesome (or even interesting) things that I've been up to... since my last post. Sunday.

Started re-watching Mad Men on Netflix. I miss that show so much. I have to wait until 2012 for the new season? AMC, we need to talk.

Bought beer for the reception Saturday. I also picked up these margarita mixes that you just freeze and then ta-da, ya got a tasty drink. I'm saving those for Saturday as well, but they don't come out till evening time. I really hope a lot of the people leave at 5:30 like the invite said. That sounds terrible. I don't care though, I was just hoping for a relaxed evening with close friends and family and instead we got the typical 'let's just celebrate with the neighbors too!' from my parents. It is a big deal for our parents but come on, both sides have already had a kid get married. It's not a new thing.

I hate Bath and Body Works. I can't stop buying their products. And then, they keep giving me coupons for sweet discounts. Free shipping on an order of $25 or more? Of course I would love to spend my hard earned meager wage on your lotions and potions. What's this? Free item with purchase of any Signature Collection item? I do love free items with purchase. Bath and Body, you know me so well.
I had to give my mum some of my lotions because between that place and this other store I shop at (hausofgloi.com) I have amassed a pretty little collection of lotions that I'm fairly certain will last me three winters. That sounds like a time frame from the 14th century. In Egypt.
I plan on buying more. Ya know, cause I gave some away.

I'm making mac 'n cheese for dinner, in celebration of our being married for one month. For real.