also, i'm getting married in 32 days and i'm almost at my goal weight and so is jeremy. we still have to buy luggage. other than that, we're pretty much ready to do this.

I Bought To Much Fabric

I am now halfway to my goal weight. And I might actually get there before the wedding. But I feel happy where I am, which is much different from how I felt when I wasn't, so if I don't get there by July it's not a big deal. I'll still keep working out and eating right because it makes me feel better physically, and when I feel good physically I feel good mentally, and vice versa. Jeremy is also halfway to his goal, but he has a longer way to go than me once we get back from the honeymoon, cause he claims that he started out fifty pounds overweight, which I don't buy but then he showed me the jeans he had when we met that fit perfectly and they do look very small. Compared to him at least. He's a big dude to begin with though, and he's probably not going to get back down to that completely because of the muscle mass from karate and P90. And I don't see anything wrong with that.

I bought material for my wedding dress last week, twice. The first time, I thought I had found the perfect color and I bought four yards of it, (cause that's how much we need) and then I thought about it over the next three days. And I decided I didn't want that color. So I went out yesterday and found another color in the same area, but darker. And then I found the perfect accent color to go with the darker color. And I bought four yards of the dark. If I change my mind again, I'm just getting married in shorts and a T-shirt. (I should note that I bought both colors on sale so it wasn't a big loss or anything.)

I do think I made the right call in getting the new color though. It's very subdued and mellow and understated, which I feel is more appropriate for me and my personality, and for how I hope the wedding in general will be. But I do still love the first color I bought and I was thinking, how pretentious would it be to have two wedding dresses?

I'm sure I could find something to do with the first color but still, I'm almost a little irritated with myself that I didn't think of it before. I think it's because when I first looked at the color my mom said it looked to autumn-y and I wasn't sure if I agreed with her or not but she said she loved how the brighter one looked against my skin and I agreed because I like bright things. But then we saw the dark against me and I loved it. I also picked up the accent color, and then completely forgot to get thread for both colors.

And no, I'm not making the dress. First, because I don't even own a sewing machine (nor do I know how to operate one), and second, because I was told it's bad luck to make your own dress.

I did ask someone to be my witness though, because I really want her at my wedding but it's just parents and siblings so I needed a way for her to be there without having to hear about it from either side of the family. I've gotten enough grief on the guest front. We told his parents we only wanted thirty guests and that the reception would be a month after the ceremony and his dad was all snippy and "well if it's only thirty people why don't we just have it on the same day?" Um, because future-father-in-law, that's what we decided on. Also because I finally just let mom plan everything and she decided on that arrangement. And I don't honestly care.

I'm also trying to figure out a polite way to tell Jeremy's sister that she can't bring her kids. We found out that if you tell her it's an adults only service, she'll still bring the little demon spawns. She did it last year at a cousins wedding and we were baffled by her audacity. How can you completely disregard someone's wishes, and especially on their wedding day? I don't want them crying about the dogs, or not being able to go swimming, or worse interrupting the service to whine loudly about something that nobody fucking cares about. You're hot? Shut the fuck up, no one's interested. Did Noah hit you? Seriously, shut the fuck up. Do you want to get in the pool? Cause I will drown your rude, inconsiderate little self. These kids are ten, or possibly nine, but at any rate they're old enough to be polite and have manners and sit quietly for ten goddamn minutes while we agree to love to each other for better or for worse and blah blah blah.

I should probably just let Jeremy talk to her.

Stuff and Such

So far both Jeremy and I have lost over ten pounds each. Of course he's been doing this for a shorter time than I have but I expected him to lose weight quicker. Doesn't mean I'm not a little ticked about it though. We also started doing P90 five to six days a week. I friggin' love it.

When I started doing yoga I did it because I kept hearing how it's supposed to make you feel better physically and mentally. It's supposed to center you and all this other crap. Except I never got that. I just felt incredibly drained and like I could nap for a day. After the P90 though, even during, I feel really good. I feel like I'm making healthy progress towards my weight loss goal and I feel really energized and happy. Yoga always made me feel like I had just died, and P90 makes me feel like I could live forever, is basically what I'm getting at. Although really, who wants to live forever?

In other news, I've stopped procrastinating and have started work on my masks again as well as writing a few short stories. I've also gone back to what I like to call "Essays That Will Never See the Light of Day" and that subject is self-explanatory. I think a lot of this new energy is the change in weather, which isn't surprising. I always sleep less in the spring and summer than the fall and winter. If the sun is up longer I usually am as well. I think that's the mammal instinct of hibernating, except I can't actually hibernate in the modern age so I just get lethargic. It sucks, but then the snow melts.

Real Quick

Just a note to say that I have successfully lost twelve pounds since January. 18 to go. Bring it honeymoon.

More Diet News

So Jeremy finally decided he wants to lose weight for the wedding. Approximately four months after we said we would diet and exercise together and be each others support and blah blah blah. So for four months I've been struggling to keep off the mere six-ish pounds I've managed to lose, and of course every time I get there some frickin' holiday comes up and his family seems to eat only potatoes and corn, with occasional meat as a side dish, so I gain it back. Which is why I finally decided to diet instead of just eating better and working out. And I've lost and kept off (for the past three weeks at least) eight pounds. All with him still eating the crap he usually eats and us going to the resteraunts we normally go to and me trying to find something to eat while his friends stare on curiously. Thanks for making me feel like a freakshow for trying to better myself guys.

Anyway, he decided he wants a tablet. Hasn't decided what brand yet but he knows he wants one and they aren't the cheapest toys. So he plans to lose thirty pounds (yes, we both gained about thirty pounds since we started dating over two years ago) before our wedding, and in return he gets a tablet. (!)

Wtf? And what do I get? A more defined sense of self-worth? A smaller dress size? To look drop dead gorgeous in our wedding photos? That's great but how about as well as that, you afford me a new apartment, husband.

Lazy Atkins (meaning that I just don't call it Atkins)

By this time tomorrow I should be losing weight cause my body should be going into ketosis . I've been carb free, as well as I can tell, for about 24-hours. I did have two mozzarella sticks at dinner last night and I don't know what's going on with spinach that makes it so delicious but I'm betting it's carbs. Carbs are always delicious. And of course my future in-laws made Italian sausage and meatballs over the weekend which naturally we took home with us, but I've done my best not to eat the sauce. Anyway, other than that I've had water and carb-free delights.

I always forget how much I love tuna until I open the can and then I turn into a house-cat, impatiently turning the can-opener and getting frustrated that it isn't already open, practically mewling in anticipation. I realized how weird that sentence was as every word came out but I'm not changing it.

And I had no idea sugar-free Jello had no carbs. Are you kidding me? I fucking love Jello. If you made me a house of Jello, I would live in it... and eat it. I like it for the same reason my dad hates it: it's neither a solid nor a liquid. Outwardly, it's solid. But if you put your hand on it, ya know, to rest or something, it's going to go right through that Jello-y... whatever shape you've molded your Jello into. I don't know an egg or something, for Easter.

We need to buy some bacon and tuna so I can lose weight and have delicious treats at the same time. I wonder how many carbs are in dark chocolate...