Kindness

Twice now I've seen the same girl leave the teen room of the library crying uncontrollably, in the same week. A librarian goes in and talks to the kids still in there, then one or two might be asked to leave, but that's the most action I've seen taken. The girl is almost impossible to understand, but basically she's being verbally bullied in that room but it seems like nothing is really being done about it. Sometimes she dresses provocatively, high heels, fitted clothes, yesterday it was a low cut top. She dresses the way young girls think boys like because boys respond to older women who dress like that. But they just make fun of the girls who do it. And she keeps coming back, that's the awful part. It's like she's hoping a different set of heels or a tighter article of clothing will make these boys like her. It's worrying. I watched a librarian speak to the boys, the walls are glass so I can see the conversation but I can't hear it, and one of the boys actually stopped another from speaking and stood in front of him, like he was protecting him. From what? Being told it's never acceptable to bully someone? Because it isn't and you can't hide from that reality. After everything cooled down I took a moment to reflect and it actually made me feel physically ill.

Why do young women hate their bodies so much? What other reason would we have for putting so much of ourselves on display, even when we're mocked and ridiculed for it, if not because we don't like ourselves and we need validation? If not to have someone notice us, even if it's negatively. At twenty-five, with a husband and best friend who loves me, with friends and family who love me, literally exactly the way I am, why do I still hate my body so much? What does it say about us as a society that an intelligent, funny, fairly well-balanced, caring individual still thinks she's not exceptional because her dress size has two numbers in it?

Some honesty (what else?): Sometimes I like hanging out with my heavier friends cause they make me feel thinner. Sometimes I don't like hanging out with my thin friends cause they make me feel huge. (Like, behemoth huge.) That's sick, I know. It's also totally true. My friends are great, I should want to hang out with them based on that. Not based on if they make me look better, or worse, by comparison. Another example of 'I'm a terrible person.'

Back to the important part: be kind to others and be kind to yourself. The really important part though, in my self-centered opinion, is be kind to yourself. Even when others aren't kind to you. Everything else will stem from there, at least that's what I find. When I'm nice to myself, I'm more inclined to be nice to others.