When I was a freshmen in college I had a class with a guy who I thought was crazy adorable. He had curly brown hair that wasn't frizzy (which like, never happens), big blue eyes and glasses (I love glasses, so I was immediately in. And he actually needed them.) and he was a physics major. He also shared a name with a famous physicist. Fuck it, even if he reads this he knows how awkward the whole thing was. Isaac Newton. His name was legitametly Isaac Newton. So, I have this huge crush on him. And being my socially inept self I had no idea how to talk to him. No frickin' clue. I couldn't even work up the nerve to sit next to him and say hi. So instead, I wrote him a note. Because having a crush on someone in college is the equivalent to having a crush on someone when you're in the third grade, without the "check yes or no" boxes. If you're me. Even better, I was going to leave it on top of his books when I left class, lost my nerve, started to leave, got my nerve back, and turned back to give it to him and almost smacked into him. Then handed him the stupid thing. It said, "what is your full name?"
I wish I had made that up.
SORRY TO FAMILY READING WHAT FOLLOWS, BUT IT IS CALLED 'AWKWARD MOMENTS'
I got involved with a guy who was like, 16 years older than me when I was 19 (I think). His name I won't mention because it makes me want to punch babies knowing this period of my life really happened. An older guy was paying attention to me and I was like, "fuck yeah let's hang out cause apparently I have daddy issues!" Not really though, but it was nice to have someone that other people thought was cool pay attention to me. Turns out he was a super douche, and I learned a valuable lesson about not getting involved with fucking idiots. The awkward part is the night he called me and basically wanted me to "take care of" myself while we were on the phone. I was not interested because while I thought it would be so cool to date an older man, I most certainly did not want to engage in sexual activity of any kind with him. (We kissed this one time and I freaked out when he tried to put his tongue in my mouth cause it felt slimy and gross. (It was like, the second time I had been kissed in my life at that point.) He thought I was being a prude. What the fuck ever, douche.) So, he started talking about all this sexual stuff (I think) and what he's doing to me (I think) and I have no idea what he was saying cause he was super quiet and it was creepy so I actually pretending to be... ya know... taking care of things. It got to the point where I just didn't want to be on the phone anymore and I was desperately trying to find a way to get out of this conversation, so I started to laugh. Intentionally. I thought to myself, what is the best way to change the subject? Oh I know, chuckle quietly until he gets distracted. And then, when he asks why I'm laughing, say it's because I finished and I was feeling groovy.
I don't think this is coming across with the right emphasis. I'll try again: Oh I know, chuckle quietly until he gets distracted. And then, when he asks why I'm laughing, say it's because "I...finished, and I'm feeling pretty...groovy."
I also wish I had made that up.
When I was 15 I was in mutual like with a friend of a friend. We joked and flirted in our awkward 15 year old way. He once jokingly tried to put his arm around me and I laughed because I thought he was doing it jokingly and he interpreted it as me not being interested. He was just as awkward as I was, so obviously nothing was ever going to happen. We never even kissed. Then one night we were talking seriously about liking each other and I thought it would be cool and grown up of me (15 year old jackass) to say that I wasn't interested in a relationship but it would be cool if we still hung out and maybe, ya know, did things. (Nothing happened. He lost interest because who the fuck says that shit? Stupid 15 year old idiot Storm, that's who.)
And I very much wish that I had made that up.
People like me exist.
You're welcome, world.
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