Radical (Random) Honesty

1. When I was seventeen I had a huge crush on this kid with a famous physicists name (think apples) and I was so nervous to talk to him that I actually wrote a note to him. It asked what his full name was. No joke. That's all it was. And I handed it to him. Not even like, discreetly slid it across the table to him in class or anything. I waited until we were leaving and I left ahead of him, about to bitch out, and then I turned back and nearly knocked him over, and handed him the note. And then quickly vacated. I felt like such a loser. The next time we had class he sat next to me and told me his full name and nothing ever happened cause I'm stupid-shy and we pretty much talked via notes in class. I'm kinda friends with him now. Almost seven years later.

2. Sometimes when I lie to one person about something, doesn't matter what it is, I'll retell that lie to someone else even if that person has nothing to do with the lie, just to propagate it. In the highly unlikely eventuality that it will come up in conversation at some future date. As I'm doing it I will occasionally think to myself how utterly ridiculous the whole thing is.

3. I listen to crappy music. I also listen to really good music, but I pretty much only tell people about the crappy music. I have no idea why. Probably so that if they ever happen to see the music on my phone, or in my iTunes library, they'll be like, 'her musical tastes aren't THAT bad... this is actually a very broad selection. Is that album called 'World Lounge?' How cultured and open-minded of her.'

4. Over the course of say, an eight hour day, I am sucking my stomach in for at least 7.5 of those hours. The sad thing is that I'm probably not as chubby as I feel I look, but I refuse to just let my gut hang out so people can ask me if it's a boy or a girl, or when I'm due. I once had an old friend tell me she was asked that when she wasn't pregnant and I swore to myself that I would never let myself get to that point with my body. And then I got into a really good relationship and developed a 'love-chub' (a gut, not an erection) and hated myself for months. I avoided my own reflection. Sad true story.

5. I am the vainest, most conceited, most self-destructive person I know. I know I just said that I avoided my own reflection but I totally looked at (and still do) myself every time I pass a reflective surface. I focus on my face, or my hips, or how my thighs look in these jeans. If I'm passing a reflective surface, I'll glance back behind me as if something interesting is going on just where I passed to check out my own ass. If I'm approaching a surface, mirror in a store, front door of a store, shiny car, I'll check out my own walk. And then make fun of my own jeans and how they come down over the tops of my shoes. Or if I see my face, I'll make hateful comments about my acne or how frizzy my hair is. In my head though.

6. When people accidentally touch me, it makes me want to punch them in the throat. I hate it. What the hell are you doing so close to me anyway?

7. I have this weird habit of watching something, or reading something, and then imagining that a person from that thing is actually in the room with me. So sometimes when I talk to myself, which is a lot when I'm writing...or in general, I'll be talking to them. Which I'm positive is a form of mental illness and completely unhealthy and fucking crazy. I have done this for as long as I can remember. And I am amazed that no one has caught on yet.

Real Quick

Just a note to say that I have successfully lost twelve pounds since January. 18 to go. Bring it honeymoon.

More Diet News

So Jeremy finally decided he wants to lose weight for the wedding. Approximately four months after we said we would diet and exercise together and be each others support and blah blah blah. So for four months I've been struggling to keep off the mere six-ish pounds I've managed to lose, and of course every time I get there some frickin' holiday comes up and his family seems to eat only potatoes and corn, with occasional meat as a side dish, so I gain it back. Which is why I finally decided to diet instead of just eating better and working out. And I've lost and kept off (for the past three weeks at least) eight pounds. All with him still eating the crap he usually eats and us going to the resteraunts we normally go to and me trying to find something to eat while his friends stare on curiously. Thanks for making me feel like a freakshow for trying to better myself guys.

Anyway, he decided he wants a tablet. Hasn't decided what brand yet but he knows he wants one and they aren't the cheapest toys. So he plans to lose thirty pounds (yes, we both gained about thirty pounds since we started dating over two years ago) before our wedding, and in return he gets a tablet. (!)

Wtf? And what do I get? A more defined sense of self-worth? A smaller dress size? To look drop dead gorgeous in our wedding photos? That's great but how about as well as that, you afford me a new apartment, husband.

Spring Cleaning... Is That a Thing?

Spring cleaning is stupid. I don't feel like I took too long to get to it cause it should be warm enough out to open windows when you clean your entire living quarters. But I do feel like it's a waste of time. Aside from getting rid of a bunch of crap I discovered I have neither need nor use for I still have to do the general cleaning every week if not more frequently. I have discovered a serious problem with the filtration in my apartment. If I go week to week dusting we have tiny little animals hanging out in corners and crannies. I have no idea where they come from or how they get there or where they're keeping their luggage.

When I lived at home, at our most ridiculous we had three cats, four dogs, and five people living in the house. We never had this much dust or fur. It boggles my mind. I think it has something to do with the lack of movement in our apartment. With fewer people the dust and whatnot has time to settle without being disturbed for days at a time. We have a second bedroom that we turned into a library and if I haven't been in there for a few a week, (which sometimes happens, cause I like to pretend I'm a busy person but really I'm just watching Netflix) everything seems to be covered in a fine layer of dust. So before I can curl up with a book I have to dust all the furniture down and sweep the dog fur off the loveseat cause that bitch keeps laying on it while we're out. (Our library door doesn't stay closed so she's in there all the effing time.)

And our bedroom. Sweet Jesus. I just cleaned our dressers off and I had to take everything off them before I could even consider dusting. Ya know how sometimes you do lazy dusting, where you just dust around objects instead of actually picking them up (akin to lazy vacuuming, see the previous sentence and substitute sweeping for dusting)? I can't imagine that as a possibility because I'm both horrified at our disgusting it looks and terrified at the idea that some kind of germy-menace is living there waiting to kill me while I sleep... or while I'm awake. Whichever. It'll do it man. That germy-menace is no joke.

Anyway, I figured I could jump on cleaning today, spring-wise, and get rid of some crap I don't need anymore or do some condensing. Something to make this place seem more like a place where people live instead of a place where people put there things. I hate that feeling. I look around and just see clutter. I need organized and I don't have it and so I freak out and do a massive purge where I end up throwing out things that in a few weeks, or days, I realize I could've used. I just really hate this apartment (and our landlord) so I keep putting off doing any real organizing in the hopes that we'll find another place and I can organize properly there.

Hasn't happened yet.

So I opened some windows, cause it's not exactly warm but the humidity is pretty high. And I'm slowly but surely doing some spring cleaning. And hating my life a little bit more. (Kidding! It could be worse. I could be cleaning at my parents where they have three poodles who fucking love the rain and mud... gross.)

Update

I'm such a tool. I was uber excited that we might get to see Harry Potter when it was released in London and then I find out that it comes out on July 7th, eight days before we get there. And then it comes out on the 15th here, when we're landing in London. So either way I don't get to see it on opening day. Grumble and sadness.

In other news, I have lost a grand total of 8 pounds. That means twenty-two more pounds and I am all set to be looking good in my custom made wedding dress. That's right, custom made. Like I'm important or something. Really I'm just designing it and my aunt is making it. But it's going to be lovely and completely original and me. And if I have a daughter and she doesn't want to wear it on her wedding day I'm going to be like, 'good cause it wasn't made for you anyway...bitch.'

Oh and I painted my nails. They look pretty and sparkly.

See? Pretty.

And someone totally re-posted one of my blogs on Tumblr. Which is pretty sweet cause it means people are actually reading it.

Mad Men and Nat King Cole

This is beautiful. I love Mad Men and Nat King Cole, and Nature Boy is easily one of my favorite songs ever. I also found, a couple years ago, a collaboration between RJD2 (the instrumentalist responsible for 'A Beautiful Mine') and Aceyalone called 'Magnificent City' that has a version of A Beautiful Mine on it, and although it's hip-hop which I never really care for I really love the whole CD.

Btdubs, according to the comments section of youtube (yes, that's all the further research I've done) the vocalist, Allison Williams, is the daughter of Brian Williams... the news anchor.

We're going to see Atlas Shrugged up in North Canton today so my whole morning is devoted to that. And a little bit of music.

Jeremy and the Passport Office

So the passport processing has changed venues, and by that I mean they've moved from their own little cubby in the Annex Building to the Title and Plates cubby just across the hall. And their are no other indications once you get in the title room about what to do. So we took a number. And then about ten minutes late whilst waiting for our number to be called, this little Asian lady walked in and right up to the counter and asked to fill out a passport application. And they just took her into the little room to fill one out. I was upset. So I went up and asked about a passport and the lady told me to take a number, which booyah! we already had. Apparently that little Asian broad is above the rules and the number system. La-dee-dah.

So when Jeremy's number was finally called there was a discussion amongst the other three people who were also applying for passports and needed applications. Because they changed the application since last year so everyone who had the old one all filled out, two of the three people, had to fill out a new one. (I also had to do this when I applied for mine last month.)

Anyway while Jeremy was in there doing his application thing I hung out and talked with the husband of the Puerto Rican woman who had to get a new birth certificate because some database had been hacked in Puerto Rico and the US wouldn't accept hers anymore. They were going on a cruise in the Caribbean. His family is from Wales, Germany and Scotland, much like mine. And then of course the incredibly adorable and sweet old man sitting next to me whose grandfather was from Wales. I wanted to talk to him more but Jeremy came out cause he was done.

When I told him about the people he said the passport bureau (is that a thing? I don't know) was going to think there was a coup happening between Ohio and Wales. And also, the passport ladies were baffled by his birth certificate, which is from Connecticut, because they had never seen one and there was so much information on it.

And then we came home cause he has to go to work soon.

The end.

Well, until we get the passports.