...:sigh:...
I want to really set the tone for this post because it contains some just-my-luck tales and I need you, as my audience, to be fully prepared to immerse yourself in my story of woe with both empathy and sympathy. So let me try again:
:inhale with a slight yet sad smirk:
:glance about as though it were possible for eyes to shrug:
:actually shrug, but only barely:
:sigh with deep melancholy:
I attempted to color my hair today.
There, I said it.
It did not turn out the way I planned. Because it never turns out the way I plan. I always want the colors I see pictured on the box. I have those three before shades already. Why can't I put the color in have the after shades? Why can't you just love me? And not give me varying degrees of orange/red?
My hair color right now, after the incredibly strong fumes, and 30 minute wait, then extra 20 minutes it took to dry it, is approximately the same shade as my summer hair. What I mean by that is, it's the color my hair lightens to naturally when in the sun over summer. So I could have just wait until May for this nearly imperceptible color. Thanks Loreal.
In unrelated news, today at lunch with Cody, mom, and dad, Cody and I discovered we were both on Twitter but were not following each other. So we remedied that. And then mom, Cody and I spent the drive home tweeting to each other like it was a chat room. It is not a chat room. Regardless, the novelty will soon wear I'm sure. If it does not, they will constantly be inundated with notifications from Twitter because I tweet a way lot.
I said it. A way lot. Not a sentence. Made it one! A poorly constructed one. Oh! We found the cable for the camera so I can start uploading shit. From last July!
You're welcome.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Ugh, Shut Up Now
This is dedicated to that broad who always has something to bitch about, regarding my blog, which I actually write for myself and not for her although she keeps forgetting that. (Also, write your own damn blog!)
For Valentine's Day, the holiday I never planned on celebrating with a significant other because it's crap, my loving husband had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to take me to work. Because we still only have one car. He got to go back home and sleep some more before going into work, I did not.
Jerk.
So I'm putting my jacket on before we leave and he says he'll pull the Jeep up. Aww, sweet. It's cold out and he doesn't want me to be chilled. Then I get in and put my bag in the backseat and there's a gift bag, for me.
And a pink, fluffy stuffed dog.
Buckled in.
Safety first.
He got me chocolate and a tea sampler.
He also got me a card that has the word 'wife' on it. I was giddy. First Valentine's with a wife card! I wanted to tell people at work, but then I don't really talk to them, and nobody asked me about it. I don't discuss things like that unless directly asked. Because I never assume people want to hear about my life. Because I never want to hear about other people's lives.
For dinner we went to Denny's. No joke. We figured most places would be busy and we're trying to save money so we went cheap.
It was a terrible idea.
The server was apathetic at best, but really she had no right to be. It's not like she could have possibly had plans. Not with that face and attitude. Ooh, burn! Our food was mediocre, that was our fault though cause it's Denny's. Never have expectations about Denny's. And they took forever to bring it out. It was almost an hour later when we were served. How does that happen?
We left a crappy tip, cause we had crappy service. (That is how the system works, server at Denny's/anywhere!)
Then we got ice cream from Handel's. That part was awesome. Totally awesome. I love Handel's. It was even better cause it was free cause Jeremy had coups he got from work.
We went home and watched Monday nights Castle.
And that is the run-down of my thrilling first anniversary as a wife.
You're welcome, world.
For Valentine's Day, the holiday I never planned on celebrating with a significant other because it's crap, my loving husband had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning to take me to work. Because we still only have one car. He got to go back home and sleep some more before going into work, I did not.
Jerk.
So I'm putting my jacket on before we leave and he says he'll pull the Jeep up. Aww, sweet. It's cold out and he doesn't want me to be chilled. Then I get in and put my bag in the backseat and there's a gift bag, for me.
And a pink, fluffy stuffed dog.
Buckled in.
Safety first.
He got me chocolate and a tea sampler.
He also got me a card that has the word 'wife' on it. I was giddy. First Valentine's with a wife card! I wanted to tell people at work, but then I don't really talk to them, and nobody asked me about it. I don't discuss things like that unless directly asked. Because I never assume people want to hear about my life. Because I never want to hear about other people's lives.
For dinner we went to Denny's. No joke. We figured most places would be busy and we're trying to save money so we went cheap.
It was a terrible idea.
The server was apathetic at best, but really she had no right to be. It's not like she could have possibly had plans. Not with that face and attitude. Ooh, burn! Our food was mediocre, that was our fault though cause it's Denny's. Never have expectations about Denny's. And they took forever to bring it out. It was almost an hour later when we were served. How does that happen?
We left a crappy tip, cause we had crappy service. (That is how the system works, server at Denny's/anywhere!)
Then we got ice cream from Handel's. That part was awesome. Totally awesome. I love Handel's. It was even better cause it was free cause Jeremy had coups he got from work.
We went home and watched Monday nights Castle.
And that is the run-down of my thrilling first anniversary as a wife.
You're welcome, world.
Haven't Posted In Awhile, My Bad
Let's start with some good news: I am now 10 pounds away from my goal weight, and looking good. High five for me. Other news, I still hate my job. But that's to be expected. I will never like a job until that job is getting paid to sit around day-drinking pretending I have writer's block but really just milking everyone's interest in my forth-coming novel. (Note to publishers, I'm ready to talk if you don't care about a 30-page proposal, or a finished piece of work. Let's do this.)
I'm watching the original Born Yesterday again, cause Jeremy's still sleeping. He's the kind of person that won't watch black and white movies, for inexplicable reasons. He can't say why, cause he doesn't honestly know, but they just seem weird to him. So I watch when he's not around.
It's still great, and I still hate Brock. With gusto.
I've included this lovely outtake from our wedding photos for your viewing entertainment. Look at my hair, that is excellent hair. All lank and lifeless. Those sweat-soaked bangs, my gut making itself known, the clearly-too-warm flush to my chubby upper-arms. Not to mention the god-awful posture. How could he possibly say no to that?
Monday, February 6, 2012
There's a Fucking Bumble Bee in My Library and It Just Happened So I Didn't Blog About That
When I think about the past few weeks, I feel like I've been productive. But then I actually think about them, and I have nothing to show for them. So I have no idea why I feel accomplished, but I really need to nail it down so as to use it for the rest of my natural life. Because we all know I will continue this trend well into my 40's.
My sister-in-law introduced me to Pinterest. I think because she hates me. No joke, I've killed like, days on there. Bookmarking shit for later, like I'm really going to do any of those projects. I just had a four day weekend, know what I did? See the above paragraph.
Spring cleaning is going to be insane at our apartment this year. I moved two pieces of furniture in the bedroom today and nearly died from the dust that I kicked up. Oh! And the blinds. The blinds! Those poor bastards haven't been dusted since we moved in. Before that actually because the landlord didn't really clean this place. So at least 3-4 years since they last were cleaned. No wonder we get sick so much, this place is a breeding ground. Breeeeding. I'm going to start spring cleaning early, cause I don't actually want to die in this place. The thought makes me sad.
I'm always excited when I start a new story, cause it's a fresh story and new characters, and then I remember that I abandoned my other characters in favor of these ones. I'm like the character in angsty tween movies on ABC Family who gets in with the cool crowd (I'm in with the in crowd) and bails on her kinda dorky friends who have been there since the beginning. And good riddance too. Fuck those kids, with their individual style and kind of wacky hair, or whatever makes kids losers these days.
What else is going on...oh yeah I down-sized my lotion collection. And it was a collection. Vast and heavily scented, like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon except easily transported (but not airline approved) bottles filled with water and glycerin and "essential oils." Please, those scents are made in a lab and we all know it, Bath and Body Works. I still have about five bottles of lotion left, but you haven't heard the original number yet. Ready? Alright here it is, and I'm not exaggerating, I counted: 21.
Who the fuck needs 21 bottles of lotion? Shit, who needs 5 but that's beside the point. The point is I have a problem. My skin isn't even that dry. Well it wouldn't be really, what with all the 21 bottles of lotion. So I just mixed them all together. I really thought it would smell awful and I would just have to throw it all out and start over from scratch (I would think that because buying more lotion would be joyful for me. Again, problem.), but no. No, it actually smells really good. Like, bubble bath good. That's not my best analogy but I really do love bubble baths. I like to take them either before or after a shower, this way I still get clean. I soak for hours. Hours. I get all pruney and water logged and the water gets room temp before I'm done with it. Sometimes, I add more hot water. Mostly I just like being in the water. And pretty smells. A bubble bath combines both of those things. Why would I not like it?
I made a vest out a T-shirt recently. It's pretty pimp. I would show you, but some asshole keeps not buying a chord for the camera like he said he would for me to upload pictures. And I'm waaayyy too lazy to buy one myself. So just take my word for it. It's B.A. Barackus-style. I used one of Jeremy's old shirts, and cut the sleeves and collar off and then cut the seams open and the open neck becomes the arm holes. I have a Cobra Kai vest now. Thanks Jeremy!
My sister-in-law introduced me to Pinterest. I think because she hates me. No joke, I've killed like, days on there. Bookmarking shit for later, like I'm really going to do any of those projects. I just had a four day weekend, know what I did? See the above paragraph.
Spring cleaning is going to be insane at our apartment this year. I moved two pieces of furniture in the bedroom today and nearly died from the dust that I kicked up. Oh! And the blinds. The blinds! Those poor bastards haven't been dusted since we moved in. Before that actually because the landlord didn't really clean this place. So at least 3-4 years since they last were cleaned. No wonder we get sick so much, this place is a breeding ground. Breeeeding. I'm going to start spring cleaning early, cause I don't actually want to die in this place. The thought makes me sad.
I'm always excited when I start a new story, cause it's a fresh story and new characters, and then I remember that I abandoned my other characters in favor of these ones. I'm like the character in angsty tween movies on ABC Family who gets in with the cool crowd (I'm in with the in crowd) and bails on her kinda dorky friends who have been there since the beginning. And good riddance too. Fuck those kids, with their individual style and kind of wacky hair, or whatever makes kids losers these days.
What else is going on...oh yeah I down-sized my lotion collection. And it was a collection. Vast and heavily scented, like the Hanging Gardens of Babylon except easily transported (but not airline approved) bottles filled with water and glycerin and "essential oils." Please, those scents are made in a lab and we all know it, Bath and Body Works. I still have about five bottles of lotion left, but you haven't heard the original number yet. Ready? Alright here it is, and I'm not exaggerating, I counted: 21.
Who the fuck needs 21 bottles of lotion? Shit, who needs 5 but that's beside the point. The point is I have a problem. My skin isn't even that dry. Well it wouldn't be really, what with all the 21 bottles of lotion. So I just mixed them all together. I really thought it would smell awful and I would just have to throw it all out and start over from scratch (I would think that because buying more lotion would be joyful for me. Again, problem.), but no. No, it actually smells really good. Like, bubble bath good. That's not my best analogy but I really do love bubble baths. I like to take them either before or after a shower, this way I still get clean. I soak for hours. Hours. I get all pruney and water logged and the water gets room temp before I'm done with it. Sometimes, I add more hot water. Mostly I just like being in the water. And pretty smells. A bubble bath combines both of those things. Why would I not like it?
I made a vest out a T-shirt recently. It's pretty pimp. I would show you, but some asshole keeps not buying a chord for the camera like he said he would for me to upload pictures. And I'm waaayyy too lazy to buy one myself. So just take my word for it. It's B.A. Barackus-style. I used one of Jeremy's old shirts, and cut the sleeves and collar off and then cut the seams open and the open neck becomes the arm holes. I have a Cobra Kai vest now. Thanks Jeremy!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Let Us Discuss Fornication
The other day at work we got onto the subject of sex and first times. Not how they were, just what age we were. There were five of us. Of the five these were the ages: 13, 15, 16, 19, and 20. (You don't have to guess which one was me, because I'll tell you in a minute.)
As each person said their age there was a brief pause where we all contemplated, or at least I did, how losing it at that age would have affected us personally. And when 19 came up, everyone sort of blanched. I'm not sure if it was because initially we were surprised that the girl who said it didn't lose it until then, or because of the lateness of the age in general. She also had an addendum of, "But I made up for lost time." (Cause that's not slutty.)
But then I said my age, and everyone seemed to have been smacked in the face. It was almost a chorus of, "Twenty?!?!?!?!? Whaaa!!!??? But that's impossible!!!!!"
And I've been thinking about it a lot since then. My first reaction to their reaction was to explain myself, which I refrained from doing because I don't owe them anything. My second response was an underlying feeling of something akin to having somehow disappointed a parent. I assume this is because deep down I will always be a child striving for acceptance and approval. (Sad and pathetic as that is.) And then, much later and when it no longer counted, (penses d'escalier) a very aggressive feeling of "How dare you judge me!"
While I don't judge any of them, or anyone really, for whatever age they first had sex at it, I do tend to judge why they did it, and how they've acted since then. If you did it because you felt pressured, I consider you an idiot. If you did it because you just wanted to get it over with, I consider you an idiot. If you did it because you couldn't stand the idea of graduating high school and still being a virgin (what a loser), I consider you a teen comedy for the ages. And if you've been brain-washed by religion to wait until you're married, that's a whole different story.
I never felt like I had to make up for lost time, because I don't feel that I was missing out anything. (Not that sex isn't awesome.) I waited until I found the right person, not because I didn't have the opportunity. I just don't understand why it was such a big deal that I was as old as I was, and it still frustrates me that people think it should be.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Character Development
I've been struggling for weeks now to mold this one character for a story I'm working on. She is giving me, trouble. Seriously. Every time I think I have a back story figured out, she decides it's not good enough, or it's too complicated. She needs to shut the hell up. I'm the writer here damn it. Then, just yesterday, the outfit I was wearing was perfect for her. So I jot down my general attire, and last night I have a dream about a girl wearing those clothes. I wake up for work this morning all happy and ready for work, still thinking about the dream, and continuing to develop a personality for this girl, and feeling pretty good. At 10:45, I know because I was looking at a clock, I realized why it was so easy to create her: Cause I based her on me.
So I scrapped that character and started work on an entirely different story. I refuse to be the author who writes the version of herself she sees in her head, into every story she writes. That girl is not nearly as interesting as I think she is.
Other things that have been happening: I made a cake bread, totally by accident. Well, the bread shape part of it wasn't really an accident. I was mixing a cake with the intention of making cake pops, but then for some reason I turned the oven on, and it was like 10 minutes later before I realized it, so I just went with it. Then I was going to make a sheet cake, but remembered that I have no pan for that, so I ended up just grabbing the loaf pan and greased that up for the batter.
At no point during this did I stop and think to myself, hey wait Storm. This is stupid. Completely stupid.
I also added too much flour. So now when I eat it, I just cut it in slices like it's bread and butter that shit up. It's actually pretty good.
I'm back on over nights next week at work. Except for that one day when I work at 5 am. I don't think they actually know what they're doing there. Not just in scheduling. I mean, in general I don't think they know what's going on. I'm not complaining about the over nights though. Normally, I totes would. But we still only have one car so our schedules not overlapping is really helping things out right now. Additionally, I'm not complaining because I get time and a half for the over nights. Or at least I'm supposed to. If I don't, I'm setting that place on fire.
So I scrapped that character and started work on an entirely different story. I refuse to be the author who writes the version of herself she sees in her head, into every story she writes. That girl is not nearly as interesting as I think she is.
Other things that have been happening: I made a cake bread, totally by accident. Well, the bread shape part of it wasn't really an accident. I was mixing a cake with the intention of making cake pops, but then for some reason I turned the oven on, and it was like 10 minutes later before I realized it, so I just went with it. Then I was going to make a sheet cake, but remembered that I have no pan for that, so I ended up just grabbing the loaf pan and greased that up for the batter.
At no point during this did I stop and think to myself, hey wait Storm. This is stupid. Completely stupid.
I also added too much flour. So now when I eat it, I just cut it in slices like it's bread and butter that shit up. It's actually pretty good.
I'm back on over nights next week at work. Except for that one day when I work at 5 am. I don't think they actually know what they're doing there. Not just in scheduling. I mean, in general I don't think they know what's going on. I'm not complaining about the over nights though. Normally, I totes would. But we still only have one car so our schedules not overlapping is really helping things out right now. Additionally, I'm not complaining because I get time and a half for the over nights. Or at least I'm supposed to. If I don't, I'm setting that place on fire.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Money Money... Money!
So I recently checked my student loan progress (by which I mean, I checked to see how delinquent my payments are because everybody knows I'm not paying on that shit) and crunched some numbers and determined a way to pay them off in 8 years. It won't happen because it involves working a minimum of 15 hours a week, steady, which as we all are aware doesn't happen to me. Holidays are great and everything but they also suck cause I forget that the hours won't last once January rolls around. Stupid January.
Upon this discovery I told Jeremy we should play the lottery, because I was feeling both lucky and depressed.
He sent me a picture message in reply, with the letters 'omg.' It was a damn cookie order form for Girl Scout Cookies. What a jerk. Now all my monies are going to cookies, which I won't get for like two months. Actually I don't remember when they come in. It's been way too long since I was a Girl Scout to remember a timeline like that.
The other day I weighed myself (who am I kidding? I weigh myself everyday, because I have a terrible body image and hate myself) and I've gained 5 pounds on this diet and exercise regime I've been on. I have to keep reminding myself that if I'm working out, even if I'm dieting, I'm still building muscle mass. But come on body, 5 pounds of muscle? You show me where damn it, cause all I see are chubby thighs and squeaky biceps. ...You know what I mean when I say squeaky biceps, right? As in, I can flex and you can squeeze my bicep and make the squeaky noise like I'm a chump at the beach who gets sand kicked in her face?
That went sad quick.
Monday was our 6 month anniversary! Yay for making it to the halfway mark! Six more months and we'll have been married for one whole year. At which point I will expect paper stuff. One year is paper right? It's the Paper Anniversary? Anyone? No? That's cool, I'll just have to scour the internet now for the information. Oh no, how awful.
Upon this discovery I told Jeremy we should play the lottery, because I was feeling both lucky and depressed.
He sent me a picture message in reply, with the letters 'omg.' It was a damn cookie order form for Girl Scout Cookies. What a jerk. Now all my monies are going to cookies, which I won't get for like two months. Actually I don't remember when they come in. It's been way too long since I was a Girl Scout to remember a timeline like that.
The other day I weighed myself (who am I kidding? I weigh myself everyday, because I have a terrible body image and hate myself) and I've gained 5 pounds on this diet and exercise regime I've been on. I have to keep reminding myself that if I'm working out, even if I'm dieting, I'm still building muscle mass. But come on body, 5 pounds of muscle? You show me where damn it, cause all I see are chubby thighs and squeaky biceps. ...You know what I mean when I say squeaky biceps, right? As in, I can flex and you can squeeze my bicep and make the squeaky noise like I'm a chump at the beach who gets sand kicked in her face?
That went sad quick.
Monday was our 6 month anniversary! Yay for making it to the halfway mark! Six more months and we'll have been married for one whole year. At which point I will expect paper stuff. One year is paper right? It's the Paper Anniversary? Anyone? No? That's cool, I'll just have to scour the internet now for the information. Oh no, how awful.
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